Just another manic Monday.....

Today starts my last week here at BCBS of Louisiana; Monday morning I will be the new Executive Administrative Specialist for the Department of Maintenance and Construction for East Baton Rouge Parish, fancy way of saying I'll be the new office manager.  I'm sad to leave BC.... I know I've only been here since September, but I've gotten pretty attached to some of the ladies here in our department.  They've been amazing!  It really does such to have to start over, and there is some anxiety that comes with starting this new job.  I'm trying not to dwell on it, but it hard not too.  I know that I'm going to the youngest in the department and I'm coming in to be the supervisor, I'm praying its a smooth transition for everyone.   The other part to my anxiety  is the fact that I'm pregnant now, and I don't know how or when to tell them.  I'm thinking about waiting till I'm in my second Trimester: that gives me sometime to form some relationships/bonds and let them know that I really am serious about my job; I'm not going to not come back from maternity leave. 
It was kind of funny today, Scottie (my new boss) called to confirm I had the directions to the office since I'm scheduled to have a drug test done on Wednesday, he wanted to remind me to bring whatever medications I am currently taking to it won't delay me passing my drug test.  I smiled and said "not a problem"... But in my head I said "yeah, not a problem CAUSE I'M PREGNANT.

Next Tuesday, Feb 7th I have my first sonogram followed with an Office Visit.  Dr. Chapman thinks I should be 7 1/2 to 8 weeks at that appointment... I'm praying!! If I've 8 weeks we will be able to hear a HEARTBEAT!!!  That right there will officially make it real for both of us.  Since the miscarriage we have been a little apprehensive about celebrating... it's sad to think that way, but we now know that things like that are a possibility. I really do hate that, but its reality.  For example... I'm making my own little milestones: I had my miscarriage at 5 weeks 4 days, so I told myself my first step is to make it past 5 weeks, 4 days.. and I did.  Now my next step is to get to our first sonogram and hear the heartbeat, and than I just have to get through the first trimester.

We did go and look at nursery furniture last weekend at Babys R Us, and we actually ended up liking the same furniture... thank you Lord!  We want to go with the dark cherry or espresso stained wood, and we agreed to want to get the conversion bed.... its smarter in the end.  AND of course I have already found the pattern that the nursery will be in.... GENDER NEUTRAL OWLS!!.... I know most of you are not surprised at all!!  its super super cute.  Here is what two of the patterns look like that I'll be using in the room.  I'm pretty sure that I'm going to pull the green as the other accent color.

I apologize for such a short entry... there hasn't been very much excitement going on around here.

My quote for today:

~Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its trouble;

it empties today of its STRENGTH

Is that one line or two?....

I'm starting this blog because mine and Alston's life is about to be changed FOREVER! I know nine months seems like forever away, but I know that before we know it we'll be coming home with either our little boy or our little girl; I also wanted to start this blog because I am so far away from some of my family and friends; and I want them to still be a part of this fabulous experience.

Before I get to involved with this whole "blogging" thing... I want to give my disclaimer:

"I am not a writer and I am not going to pretend that I am one... I apologize for any improper English or punctuation...(Jimmie, I know you will see this: please try to control yourself). I plan on writing this as if I was actually telling you in person... please be kind. Oh… and if you are in my life, you will more than likely be in my blog".

When Alston and I got married, we both knew we wanted children and that we knew it wouldn't be long before we started trying.  Little did we know... God had another plan for us!

I feel like I need to be very honest in here since I am trying to make it seem like we are all together on this adventure, but something’s are just hard to talk about.  So... I am going to come out and say it and I apologize that I'm not going to elaborate or give any details… it just too hard to relive it word for word. I had a miscarriage December 20; I was 5 weeks 4 days. Going through that is not something I never-ever want to experience again, nor do I ever wish for someone else to have to. I didn't think something like that would every happen to me, I always thought the hardest part would be "getting pregnant".  After I lost the baby I told Alston that I didn't want to try for another baby for awhile... I just couldn't handle going through it a second time; I wouldn't make it.  He was amazing, so precious. I thank God for creating and giving Alston to me every day! About two weeks after I was at work and I had the most juvenile thought: "well Hollie... you feel down; are you going to stay down or are you going to get back up?"... it made so much sense to me; I'm not a quitter! I'm not going to not live my life to the up most because of fear!! I came home that night and told Alston my "epiphany" moment and how I'd like us to maybe start trying. If it's God's will that we have a baby we will... if it's his will that we wait awhile...we will.   At the center of Alston and mine relationship is the meaning "Timing is Everything"... and it's God's timing. It took nine years to bring us together, but God knew when the time was right.

So this "epiphany" I had was about two weeks ago... somewhere around January 4th (ish).  I started feeling a little off again... I started having heartburn and my boobs were getting very sore and swollen...not very fun. And I noticed that I was really tired, but I figured I was still having some lingering symptoms from my first pregnancy. Friday the 13th I called Alston and asked him to pick up a couple pregnancy tests while he was out... just in case. So I took one Saturday morning... I really couldn't tell if there was a second line: I asked Alston if I was imagining things or was it really there? He said he thinks that’s two line... but it’s really hard to tell. So we decided to not fret about it and try to have a fun weekend... I'm not very good at not dwelling on things. Well, Sunday morning comes around and I'm the first one out of bed! I just had to know!! I decided I would use two different types of test... just in case. Go figure... I got one positive one negative! Now if that’s not confusing, I was so frustrated; but again I prayed for God to please sooth my nerves and give me peace with this. I know that whatever happens will be his will for our life.  We tried out a new church on Sunday: really enjoyed the Pastor… Not so fond of the church itself though... we are going to keep looking. After church we went to Clinton (which is where we got married) to play a round of golf. Neither of us has golfed in a very long time... It was a beautiful day and we had an absolute blast!! We both played pretty well for it being so long without playing. We both shot a 60 (we only played 9 holes)... Hey I'll gladly take that score and be proud. We talked a little bit about "what if" we are pregnant again... we tried to not dwell, but lord it's so hard to not be consumed with something like this. 

Monday morning rolls around and Alston wakes me up at 5 am (that’s the time he has to get up in the mornings) he wanted me take another test so he could see before he went to work: I drag my butt out of bed and head for the bathroom.  As I’m sitting there… waking up and waiting for the results to show, Alston comes in and says from the doorway “I see two lines”!! with a very large smile.  I asked “are you sure?”  I just still couldn’t wrap my mind around the concept that we were going to have baby: was it really possible to be pregnant this soon after having a miscarriage?  Well… me being me, I immediately got online and wanted to know if this was even possible.  I found a few websites that said it is very possible to get pregnant immediately following a miscarriage; some doctors discouraged it, others said it was a very good thing.  In fact the sooner after a miscarriage a woman can conceive the better off the pregnancy it i.e., fewer complications.   I couldn’t go back to sleep after all this, I was officially up and in a haze!  I just couldn’t believe it.  And I couldn’t very well keep my mouth shut and the news to myself: I bet I texted all my friends and family before lunch that day and told them the exciting news.  Everyone was so excited for us; it made it even better to have everyone celebrating. 

Tuesday, January 17 I was scheduled to see Dr. Chapman for a follow up to my miscarriage; which turned out to by my “Booking Appointment” aka my first pregnancy appointment!  Dr. Chapman came in and asked the basic questions and if I was pregnant yet?  I said I think so…. I received a positive yesterday and my breasts are very sore.  After a little bit of talking about different things, she said she was going to do a physical on me today and then send me downstairs for my blood work up.  After the physical exam was over she said everything looked good and my cervix was definitely swollen, which is a very good thing (Thanks Nicole for educating me!) and said that she wanted me to have my HCG Beta levels tested today and then again on Thursday morning and then she wants to see me back in three weeks for a sonogram and another office visit.   CONGRATULATIONS!!  I had my blood work done and they called me that afternoon with the results, my levels were at 97 and say it looks like I’m probably about 4 ½ -5 weeks!!  After telling Alston the fabulous news I texted Nicole YET again…. Sorry Nicole!  And asked what this meant: she said that my levels should double in the next 24 to 72 hours, it a good sign of a healthy pregnancy.  On Thursday I had my blood work done again at 7 am before I went to work: when those results came back my levels were at 214… a little more than double!!!!